The Impostor Self

Our Authentic Self is alive and thriving when we are children. We love exploring, doing the things we like, speaking our mind, telling the truth and our imagination is everything. This is the most Authentic we will ever be in our whole life. But sadly, for most of us, it is very short-lived.

Depending on the style of parenting or past experiences we grow up with as children, our Authentic Self will either flourish or gets completely destroyed. The right style of parenting is so vital for us to grow up confident and authentic. We need to feel we have permission to make our own choices and decisions even if we make mistakes. This is how we learn. When we feel criticized or worse, punished, our Authentic self no longer matches the person they want us to be, so we are forced to change. This is when the Impostor Self starts to develop and transform our lives.

Reasons we Develop an Impostor Self

  1. FEAR OF PUNISHMENT. The very first thing that changes our Authentic Self is fear of punishment. The first time we are called a “bad girl” or punished for a mistake we make, we start to chip away at our Authentic Self. We begin molding ourselves to become the person they want us to be. So with time we learn we have to change our selves so we don’t get punished. We feel like we have to behave a different way because our parents expect or demand it. This is why it is so important to give our children the permission to choose or to make their own decisions without judgements. They need to believe that whatever they decide to do, they won’t be judged or punished for it. It’s so important and so vital for us to develop our own confidence in our own choices, but most of us are not lucky to grow up this way. We will slowly begin to transform ourselves into our Impostor Selves and to become the person we think they want us to be.
  2. FEAR OF ABANDONMENT. When we fear that a loved one will leave us if we are not who they want us to be, our Impostor Self grows even stronger. The changes that happen might get so extreme you might not even recognize yourself anymore. You are no longer the confident and assertive person you were in high school. You are now timid and self conscious, always looking for permission or validation from your friends or spouse. With time you might become unrecognizable out of fear of rejection that your friends or spouse might leave you or not love you anymore. Your Impostor self is turning you into a completely different person without you realizing it.
  3. FEAR OF CRITICISM. We not only want to please our parents or our loved but, but society as a whole. We want to go through life feeling like we are a good persons because we have been conditioned that the approval of others is very important. Our self confidence depends on this. Our self worth depends on this. We don’t want to be called a bad mom, or a bad wife, or a bad daughter, or ungrateful, or crazy. We constantly chip away at our Authentic Self just to please other people, sometimes complete strangers. We feed our Impostor Self every single day excuses and self pity until we become exhausted. It is no wonder we live always feeling miserable.

Why does our Impostor Self become so successful? Depending on which side you feed the most will be the side that grows up strong and powerful and dominant. Depending on the person we feed — impostor or authentic — is the person we grow up to become. We feed our impostor self because it keeps us from being punished, feeling abandoned, or from feeling criticized by society, friends, and loved ones. The Impostor self we feed for years has been molding, transforming, and shaping us into someone we are not. It eventually takes over our lives completely, so that when we look in the mirror, we no longer recognize ourselves anymore.

Are you tired of feeling miserable living a life only to please others? Do you look in the mirror and do not recognize yourself anymore? Good. It means you are ready for change. This is the time you have to put your big girl pants on and make a sound decision for your SELF to do something different. You’ve been doing all these things for other people to like you or not leave you but you have abandoned your SELF. You criticized your SELF in order to make other people happy. You felt shame for your SELF, while you made others proud, You hated your SELF while you made others love you. You can live with this Impostor Self for the rest of your life if you want to, but if you are ready to transform your life, there is no better time to start. I am here and I will guide you every step of the way.

Are you ready? Let’s go!

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